oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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