stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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