This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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