So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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