He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Houston, we have a blender
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
