first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize