I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
