Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize