Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
