Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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