Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
