somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
