she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
