is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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