Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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