Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
