I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Im part way to drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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