Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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