I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
