its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
