I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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