Plan B is the new Plan A
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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