I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
