I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Randomize
