I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
