i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
