yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
