I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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