nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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