you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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