Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize