Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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