I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
