it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
