i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
