it's too hot outside to masturbate.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
