Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
