Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
