With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize