Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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