When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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