I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
