dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
