Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
