I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
