she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
