meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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