I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
