It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
