She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize