Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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