it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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