Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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