there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
