I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
