Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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