I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
