Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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