he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
