I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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