she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who died my cat blue again?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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