Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
