i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize